Fuck Me

-Fuck me, fuck me dead,

Kill me, I'm so dead,

I'm just a fucked up head,

Fuck me, fuck me dead.

Maybe Love

-Maybe love will take away all my pains,

Release me from all my filthy chains,

And tell me, "Dear, it wasn't all in vain."

-Maybe love won't cure my heart,

Rather, my love would tear me apart,

And kill me, as our hearts depart.

-Maybe love will one day come to me,

And like a little bougainvillea, she would set me free,

From my little prison, made out from my own fears,

Which has blinded me, from the unseen tears.

-Maybe love will one day drive me mad,

And my dying tears will be crimson red,

And I will perceive nothing no more, for I'll be dead,

The malaise of love, it stabs me to death.

Ujang Ujang

-Sasik angai, sasik angai, Ujang ujang,
debei nawan, samah nyilou, Ujang ujang,
Sasik angai, sasik angai, Ujang ujang,
debei duit, debei duit, Ujang ujang,
Biah tigik, bajou mamak,
Kapei pebun, Ulou ngapang.

An Melanau?

-An Melanau?

Yai Melanau?

Anou Melanau?

Ca'en Melanau?

-Melanau a miau dagen a liko,

Melanau a sasik kelapak nin miau.

-Gan Melanau?

Sai Melanau?

Inou Melanau?

Kubah gaya ji Melanau?

-Melanau a jumit wang ted negeri,

Melanau a miau adet nin semadi.

-Yen ji kelapak kaau?

Gan ji kelaker nyilou?

Sai bak tenijou

Melanau tang anak nyilou?

What Kind Of Faith Is This (Not A Poem)

-What kind of faith is this?

The men slandering the women,

"Bent bones will always be bent bones!"

The women slandering the men,

"The biggest unbelievers were always men!"

The pious slandering the less pious,

"We are holier than thou, the prayer-neglecting!"

The less pious slandering the pious,

"We are more honest than thou prayer-mongers!"

The political slandering the apolitical,

"Faith is power!"

The apolitical slandering the political,

"Power blinds the faith!"

-What kind of faith is this,

Worldly and defective,

Humanly defective,

Absolutely crazy?

-Why won't they understand,

That God simply doesn't really care,

Why won't it occur to them,

That God simply doesn't really give a fuck?

The Jewish God

-All praise be to the Jewish God!

The Lord, the Only God,

The Only Light that is sought,

By humans full of doubt!

-All hail be to the One True God,

The Punishing, and The Fearful God!

The Forgiving One that is sought,

By humans, full of doubt!

-All praise be to the One,

Beyond all the praises and the slanders,

Beyond all the descriptions and the depictions,

The Indescribable One!

-Then a doubting boy asks:

If He's Indescribable,

How can you be sure He is One?

-Everyone says;

Shut up!

Fear the Punishment!

When I was alone, I was crazy, crazily looking for you,

Now that I have finally found you, I am still crazy,

Still crazily in love with you,

And I am dumbfounded, verily, for I am crazy,

Why wouldn't you notice me,

Crazily counting days,

Of me being in love with you?

Why wouldn't you shower me,

With your nectar,

Healing me from my pain?

For this madness, that plagues my mind,

I can barely bear it no more,

And I am as crazy, as a madman can be,

That the world doesn't look the way it used to be,

Now that I have found you, I wonder, am I crazy

To have my heart offered to you selflessly,

Even when I know, that your eyes are not on me,

Is it worth it to offer myself to you, lady?

Is it worth it to hope, that

Your name is written

With mine inside the Luh Mahfuz,

Just like Fatimah's name,

Written for Ali?

Is it worth it, or is it just a waste?

My soul is aching, my heart is breaking,

Yet all I can see, is that the world is laughing,

At my foolishness, like a bad dream,

In which I am the clown, victimized by the queen?

Verily, my heart is breaking,

And I am crazy, crazy for you, my queen.

Middle Class Malay

-A middle class Malay,

Faces the dilemma,

He hates to be led astray,

From the Straight Middle Path,

But sins dictate his day,

The sins broke him apart.

-A middle class Malay,

Trapped in a world of lies,

He tries to stay in The Way,

Of prophets and the purified ones,

But his sins gave him away,

To the pack of demon wolves.

-Maybe one day he will go to heaven?

Lord knows, Lord knows much better,

That when his life ends, heaven really doesn't matter.

-A middle class Malay,

Enslaved by gold and pride,

Religion is his game,

Politics to him are all white lies,

One day it will end,

Yet he is reluctant to die.

Surrender

-Surrender,
With all your might
And faith;
Tomorrow shall never
Last.

Homecoming

-The autumn breeze blows away the time with every gentle breath,

Hence I shall be home, and know that somehow, God is Great.

Rupamu Rupa Cinta

-Di maya ini senantiasa aku berimpikan syurga,

Loka di mana engkau, bidadari yang satu-satunya,

Akan menemaniku dengan sukma tulus dari jiwa,

Menemaniku yang terlayu dengan perihnya sengsara.

-Kerana bagiku rupamu adalah rupa cinta,

Menawan jiwa ragaku bagai tiada daya,

Sentosa jiwaku melihat rupamu bernama cinta,

Menawan pancainderaku menakluki maya.

-Seri sakti kebudian dewi jiwa ragaku,

Aku ingin bersemadi di dalam seri sukmamu.

The End of The Summer

-The end of the summer,

Listen to me.

I am but a man,

Defeated by God,

Defeated with Time.

-How I wish I can be

The wind, or the air

That touches you

Every single moment

That passed me by.

-For The Almighty Lord

Conquers everything

And destroys everything

That He wishes;

His Love be with you.

-It kills me

To see you

Beside me

Without you

Loving me.

-By Providence,

My words are all

as meaningless

As the bricks on my wall.

Gelap

-Aku berjaga dan gila di malam nan gelap dan buta,

Dan jiwaku kian terseksa dan merana dibaluti nestapa,

Di malam gelap dan buta hatiku gila sengsara,

Seperti pungguk rindukan bulan yang tak jatuh ke riba.

-Aku berlagu dan sayu di malam nan gelap dan buta,

Dan suaraku kian serak memekik tanpa ada bicara,

Di mana engkau juwita ketika aku sengsara?

Seperti Adam yang rindukan si Hawa walau di dalam Syurga.

-Aku mengamuk dan redam di malam nan gelap dan buta,

Dadaku berombak kecamuk dan sial tak bisa dipujuk reda,

Di malam gelap dan buta aku mengimpikanmu cinta,

Seperti Syaitan yang cemburukan Adam dari gerbang Neraka.

Tu es ma vie;

Je t'aime beaucoup.

Allah

-Bangun pagi dan masih mengantuk, Audzubillah,

Mandi pagi berjela-jela, Nawaitulillah,

Pergi kelas dengan terpaksa, hai Allah,

Tidur di kelas dengan nyenyaknya, Astaghfirullah,

Bergurau lucah dengan sahabat, Alhamdulillah,

Kena marah dengan orang sebelah, Wallah,

Tengok pasangan beromen bahagia, Masyallah,

Baca suratkhabar BN, Innalillah,

Baca akhbar di internet, Naudzubillah,

Masuk tidur tak boleh nyenyak, Bismillah.

Biarkan Aku Menangis Sendiri

-Apakah dunia bisa bertukar ceria

Walau hanya buat sementara?

Kerana bunga-bunga itu telah layu

Dan suria telah surut sayu.

Malam pun menjelma menyentuh aku,

Dan dedaunan menguning layu,

Dan kebiruan langit menghitam nan bisu,

Badai senja menggapai kalbu,

Hati sedih merintih tersedu.

-Kerana itu,

Biarkan aku menangis sendiri.

Kerana ubat kepada kesedihan

Bukanlah waktu,

Tapi ayat-ayat Cinta

Yang bukan berupa kata,

Potret romantis atau asmara,

Bahkan adalah sentuhan isyarat

Dari hati ke hati

Yang mendambakannya.

-Kerana itu,

Biarkan aku menangis sendiri.

Supaya aku bisa berharap,

Tangisanku akan reda di lain hari.

Dirge 21

-Day by day,

And night by night,

Time passes me by.

Why wouldn't he stop,

Or slow himself down?

-You passed me by,

As if you were the Time.

And my beloved Yesterday

Will forever remain that;

Yesterday.

-The sun has set,

The sky has turned black.

But still, here I stand.

Looking at the sinking sun,

Silently, hopelessly.

(The words that I wrote,

They have no meaning,

The songs that I wrote,

They have no rhythm-

Cheers, unrequited love!)

Kerinduan

-Kerinduan hatiku kepada dirimu,

Jauh sekali dindaku dari ku,

Kerinduan kalbuku mencengkam jiwaku,

Di manakah dirimu, aduhai cintaku?

About This Life

-It's 5 o'clock, but it's already so bright,

And Lord only knows, how I cannot sleep at nights,

Thinking about you, and everything that comes and goes,

Makes me feel old, battered from all the loss,

And thus I drink, and have three puffs of cigarettes,

And then curse all the thinkers, who have passed all through the ages,

Their wisdom and their thoughts, all imprisoning my thoughts,

With their liberties, come responsibilities I have not sought.

-I wish I can be a pigeon that can fly,

Wherever he wants to, and whenever he wants to fly,

But I am a tree, I am so stuck to the ground,

The wood is my blood, and to it am I bound,

And when the time comes, for a man to take me down,

I can't resist, I can't move, nor can I frown,

For I have no voices, to cry out that I'm alive,

And thus he'll cut me, as if I was never alive.

-And so I sing this song, a dirge about this life,

That this life is a lie, and we shall all leave it and die,

And when the time comes, from our graves we shall rise,

To face the Benevolent God, naked, helpless and dry.

Empty

暖かく

南の風が

泣きながら

僕の両手に

散った桜を。

Be It The Holiest Temples

-Be it the holiest

Of all the temples,

Be it the grandest

Of all the palaces.

-It ain't Heaven

Without you.

-(How hateful this thing is.)

Sudah Layu Bunga-Bunga

-Sudah layu bunga-bunga

Yang bermekaran di laman,

Sudah hangat sang mentari,

Yang berpijar bersinaran.

Sudah keluar pucuk daun,

Yang indah menghijaukan.

Sudah berlalu Sang Waktu,

Yang kejam meninggalkan.

Pendosa

-Pendosa itu menangis hiba,

Seolah-olah dia sudah gila.

-Sementara Munkar dan Nakir,

Berdiri dengan cemeti di tangan mereka.

-Munkar bertanya dengan bengisnya:

"Siapa dikau wahai pendosa?"

Dan Nakir di sebelahnya tertawa.

"Pendosa terhina!"

Pendosa diam;

"Apakah yang bisa aku katakan di sini,

Sementara aku hanya pendosa;

Apakah bisa aku berbicara di sini,

Sementara aku telah hilang suara?"

-Munkar dan Nakir terus tertawa,

Sementara Pendosa menangis hiba.

-Munkar bertanya lagi;

"Wahai fulan yang tak berguna,

Apakah kau akan terus menangis hiba?

Tangisanmu takkan pernah memadam api Neraka!!"

Nakir tertawa;

"Pendosa terhina!"

Pendosa diam;

"Apakah yang bisa aku katakan di sini,

Sementara aku hanya pendosa;

Apakah bisa aku berbicara di sini,

Sementara aku telah hilang suara?"

-Munkar dan Nakir menghayunkan cemeti mereka,

Lalu Pendosa menangis hiba.

Apa Yang Aku Mahu

-Engkau tahu apa yang aku paling mahukan di dunia ini, aduhai dewiku?

-Aku menginginkan dunia

Yang tiada Penguasa di dalamnya,

Tiada Apa Yang Berkuasa,

Memisahkan hati kita berdua.

-Aku menginginkan dunia,

Yang tiada Pengatur di dalamnya,

Tiada Apa Yang Mengatur,

Hukum-hakam untuk kita berdua.

-Aku menginginkan dunia,

Yang tiada Saat dan Jam di dalamnya,

Tiada Masa yang mengejar,

Dan memperhambakan kita berdua.

-Aku menginginkan dunia,

Yang tiada Pedih dan Duka,

Dukacita menginginkan dikau,

Yang kini jauh di mataku, cinta.

-Demi Tuhan, aku sudah gila,

Dan apakah dikau akan mau sejenak cuma,

Melihat si gila ini memuntahkan air darahnya?

-Demi Tuhan, aku sudah gila,

Dan apakah dikau akan mau sejenak cuma,

Melihat si gila ini memusnahkan segala harapannya?

-Kegilaanku adalah musuhku,

Dewiku, selamatkanlah daku.

Fly Dear Bird

-Fly dear bird, spread your wings and touch the sky.

Fly dear bird, sing your songs and kiss the sky.

-I'll be waiting for you, for I am the tree,

On which you rest and make your nest,

And prepare for another flight,

Across the heavenly sea.

-Fly dear bird, spread your wings across the sky.

Fly dear bird, sing me prayers to the Lord of the sky.

-I'll be waiting for you, for I am the earth,

On which you land and ease your pain,

And prepare for another flight,

Across the heavenly sea.

-Seeing you fly, it makes me cry.

Nur Afila

-By the Grace of God The Eternal, The All-Forgiving, and The One,

I ponder, o Nur Afila,

Why are you so beautiful?

-And your beauty is as sacred as the water of ablutions,

That washes away my sins in millions,

And gives me life and gives me passions.

-By the tears of Saidatina Aisha and Saidatina Fatima,

I ponder, o Nur Afila,

Why are you so beautiful?

-And your beauty is as sacred as the water of the Well,

That sits beside the Kaabah, where the angels dwell,

And where I hope that one day my tears would swell.

-Sometimes, o Afila, I ask the Time,

If Time would freeze, and you'd be mine,

But I know the answer, even if the Time

doesn't answer it; you won't be mine.

-"Then my tears would fall, and I'd be an unbeliever;"

"Then my tears would fall, but I just can't forget her;"

"Then my tears would fall, please Lord, please protect her;"

So my tears did fall, and I bow down in prayer,

Asking God whether I am still a believer.

-By the Grace of God The King of Kings, The Judge and The Lover,

My love for you, o Nur Afila, will stay in my heart forever.

Agei Bak Mudip Akou Senabik

-Akou luk mudip agei,

Alah lian ji sabei.

-Akou bak mudip agei,

Mei luk akou nyadin a lakei.

-A lakei biah yin bejik,

Matah yin mupag,

Ati yin saih.

-A lakei legah liluk,

Legah lilah,

Legah matai.

-Dei luk akou nyadin a lakei.

Tapi akou mesti nyadin a lakei.

Dei kenah agei akou bak mulik,

Lian sabei dei kenah kou senabik.

-Akou agei senged,

A sabei,

Mei akou liluk,

A sabei,

Akou gei sihat,

Akou gei jemelai,

Agei teluweh;

Bek nou Si Ajau mesti nyadin Ji Sabei?

Luk mak naseng kou,

Tenelabau tang Ji Betara,

Tang Hyang Sang Pencipta,

Tang Ji Allah Taala,

Luk mak naseng kou,

Megou tan yin;

"Nou ih!!??

"Biah kou pedes,

Makbut ji napes,

Pedes, yu, pedes,

Bukan nyilou bak tao,

Nyilou dei kan merasa pedik tan biah mo!!"

-Luk mak akou,

Semadi akou ji tenawan,

Dei kaber raei kou,

Akou ih sekader tenawen.

-Bier biah kou pedik,

Mudip agei akou senabik.

A Little Break From The Poems

-Currently, I don't have any ideas to make any kinds of poems. No quatrains, no syairs, no haikus. And I don't know either to make Japanese, Malay, English or Melanau language poems. Well, it is very challenging to make poems that are better than previous poems, as I don't have any knowledge on making poems. Plus, I don't possess full mastery of all those languages, so I stutter a lot.

-Last year, I studied Latin. Well, I thought that studying that language could help me understand English words more. Well, in that case, that certainly worked. But I could not manage to obtain enough mastery of Latin to make any Latin poems, and frankly I've been terribly lazy in learning that language, so I could not make any phrases, even short ones, in Latin without consulting my textbook.

-But I will try to improve my Latin, and I am also planning to formally learn Arabic next semester. I look forward to it.

Sebelum Aku Pulang

Sebelum aku pulang,

Biarkan aku mengucup bibirmu,

Dan menghirup nafas basahmu,

Dadah nan mengkhayalkan.

Sebelum aku pulang,

Izinkan aku meratapi perasaanku,

Yang terbelenggu dek jemarimu,

Penjara melemaskan.

Sebelum aku pulang,

Biarkan aku menyentuh wajahmu,

Merasa tiap denyut di lehermu,

Persis aku kebutaan.

Sebelum aku pulang,

Izinkan aku merintih padamu,

Membenamkan diriku dalam dirimu,

Habis kelarutan.

Sebelum aku pulang,

Ke alam nyata daku yang memisahkan

Diriku dari sisimu.

Hug Me

Someone please hug me, wipe my tears, please,

When I cannot feel a thing,

Someone please hug me, sing me dreams, please,

When I cannot feel a thing.

Someone please hug me, and be my ears,

When I'm deafened by my pain.

Someone please hug me, and wipe my tears,

When I'm blinded by my pain.

Someone please hug me, and be my strength,

When the world is killing me.

Someone please hug me, and give me strength,

When the world is killing me.

Someone please hug me, and be my skins,

When I cannot feel nothing.

Someone please hug me, and be my brain,

When I cannot think nothing.

Someone please hug me, and stab my chest,

When I cannot feel nothing,

Someone please hug me, tight in her breasts,

When I fall down, Death in my veins.

Apakah Bisa Lagi

-Sehijau warna daun, betapa hijaupun kan layu jua.

Sekeras bongkah batu, betapa keraspun kan pecah jua.

Sepanjang nyawa hidup, panjang manapun kan mati jua.

-Apakah cintaku padamu akan bernasib sama?

Apakah harapanku padamu akan pudar bersama?

Apakah rinduku padamu akan sirna bersama?

Demi hati yang pecah berderai.

-Seputih sinar suria, putih manapun kan malam jua.

Setinggi berapung awan, cerah manapun kan berhujan jua.

Seindah potret lukisan, indah manapun kan luput jua.

-Apakah bisa lagi aku bermimpikan hadirmu?

Apakah wajar lagi aku mengharapkan dirimu?

Apakah layak lagi aku menjejaki bayangmu?

Demi sukma yang perih terhiris.